by Jack Stellar, Hydraulic lift salesman

As the stream of harsh rebukes and foul-mouthed admonishments furiously flowed from my Las Vegas lips, the whole thing felt all too familiar. You see, this certainly isn’t the first time I’ve had to berate another Blackjack player, and it likely won’t be the last. I don’t want it to have to be this way, you know. It’s just, you’d think these morons would get it.

Every time I think I’ve finally found a decent table to play, some Blackjack waste sack, or ploppy (That’s what we Blackjack pros call them.) comes and sits to my right and does something stupid like hitting on 16. I end up losing twice the money because he stole my face card I needed for my double-down and that jerk gets more money to stupidly gamble away. He’s like some pathetic loser who thinks he can win at this game. Yeah, buddy, only thing you’ll be winning is a big payout of words courtesy of my mouth.

Why can’t people understand that if you want to sit down and play, you have to be prepared to do it the right way? Otherwise, it’s just throwing your money away.

And what was with that guy at the Aladdin who stole my Ace one hand and then made a correct play a few hands later when I needed him to take a 7 so I could get the 3 that was coming down the street right after it? I just can’t handle these ignorant players that have no consideration for the skilled players at the table. So I’ll keep yelling at these suckers trying to play until I can find a decent game without neophytes. With them off the tables, I’ll finally get down to the business of winning my fortune. Major cash will be Stellar. And I respect that.