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The Business of Getting Down to Business A business advice
column by Dawson Radcliffe
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Happy employees are just too hard to scare
by Dawson Radcliffe
January 31, 2008 | Issue 5-05
The problem with happy employees is that they are not afraid. An employee
you can’t scare is hardly worth what it costs to heat his extra small
cubicle to a comfortable 62 degrees. (KEY ADVICE: You should never heat
your facilities above 62 degrees. It is wasteful and counterproductive.
Keeping employees on the cool side makes them want to move faster on the
job and reminds them they are unable to control even something as trivial
as the temperature within your organization.)
On the other hand, an employee who is too afraid of management does not
possess the ideal minimum amount of false security. You want employees to
be in that sweet spot of contented uncertainty, where they are motivated
enough to show up to work but easily manipulated by rumors of layoffs.
Just imagine trying to motivate a worker without using the prospect of job
loss! It’s pointless and it’s a poor practice. But, Dawson, what if my
employees are already happy and have a sense of job security? Can I
correct this?
YES. But you must start today. Bold, hasty action is what makes an
organization great. Do not discuss it with other managers. Do not schedule
any meetings. Do not do an Internet search on instilling fear into
employees. Follow these instructions: Walk out of your office right now and
fire the first woman you see. Announce the total lack of rationale to
everyone around and tell her to be out of the building in five minutes.
Random firings work, people. (KEY ADVICE: Never fire a man when
implementing this practice. This is your perfect chance to eliminate weak
spots in your organization. If you can’t find a woman immediately, look
for someone old and give him directions to the front door and a nearby
nursing home. I hear they are always looking for afternoon nap specialists
there!)
Now, be warned, you can’t take your organization to where you want it to
be just by this practice alone. You can never turn your business around in
one day just by reading one article. The good news is that you can turn it
around in one day by reading my entire book, The Business of Getting
Down to Business: An executive’s guide for improving all areas of an
organization.
Until next
week, remember, your employees can’t fear ‘The Man’ unless you act like
him.
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