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by Kenneth Sharp

Listen, Brad. It’s not like Lindsey or I meant for any of this to happen, but sometimes you just have no control over these things. Let’s be honest, maybe none of us saw this coming, but you must have known you and Lindsey wouldn’t last forever. If it means anything, she still thinks you’re a nice guy. And I do, too, Brad.

You didn’t do anything wrong, necessarily. It’s just that Lindsey and I have more in common. We both have Algebra class during 4^th hour. Yours is 7^th period. Did you really think you could continue on with that charade of a relationship, only seeing each other during the brief moments in between classes? This is just one example of the things I can offer Lindsey that you’ve been unable to during your five weeks together.

So, I just want to break it to you once and for all. Lindsey’s not into you anymore. She and I were meant for each other. It is fate I suppose. And I don’t mean to harp on what’s past, Brad, but maybe if you had paid a little more attention to her interests and needs you would still be together. From what I understand, you totally blew her off the last Monday between 8:00 and 8:45 when you didn’t respond to her text message. OMG, Brad, that’s almost an hour. What were you doing, btw? The only logical assumption is that you were with another girl. My guess is Angela. How could you?

See, I always respond promptly to all forms of communication and I’m actually interested in her bracelet-making hobby. Would it have killed you to try a few on or tell her how much you liked her art? That’s what it is, Brad – art. But you didn’t care, just as long it didn’t interfere with the basketball match on television. But I’m different. I’m supportive in ways you never can be. I’ve even encouraged her to pursue a future in fashion.  

You probably won’t be sad about losing her since you never truly appreciated her as a person. But I wanted to be sure we had this whole thing cleared up. Remember, Brad, the lessons of the heart are often difficult, but always true.