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THE WEEKLY WIPE

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Homeless guys can't believe somebody threw this stuff away

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January 17, 2008 | Issue 5-03

Homeless guys sort through this perfectly useful stuff.PHILADELPHIA — Expressing feelings of astonishment and confusion, late Monday night homeless men Herbert Lester and Dale Pauley rifled through a dumpster filled with great stuff, which some person apparently just threw away.

 

The men found the virtual treasure chest in an alley behind a condominium building. “At first I thought it was someone’s home,” said Herbert Lester, who discovered the cornucopia of semi-useful items with fellow homeless guy Dale Pauley. “We got to looking around and we realized some person actually threw these things out.”

 

The two destitute men found great item after great item, sorting through the goods some really rich man probably threw away in order to make room for a swimming pool or something.

 

“Still a little left in the bottom,” said Lester of a mostly-consumed jar of strawberry preserves. “That’ll still make a nice glaze over this piece of lettuce.”

 

Finding items such as the wheel from an office chair, a shoebox, and a seemingly unused drinking straw, Lester and Pauley are beginning to feel their ship has come in. They are even discussing trading items they found for some luxuries.

 

“We could easily trade this half of a can opener, this window screen, and this empty ketchup bottle for a brand new shopping cart,” said Lester, who has always traded for used carts in the past because it made more sense. “Yes, things should be different now.”

 

Meanwhile, Pauley is hoping to use several of the found items to make one of his long-time dreams become a reality. “I’ve always wanted a houseboat,” said Pauley, who once lived under a bridge by the Schuylkill River. “I would watch those boats go by and I knew that was for me. I think if I can put this two by four back together and fix the crack in this thermos, I’ll have a good start.”

 

While the homeless duo feels blessed with newfound riches, they have not forgotten the resourcefulness they have learned over the years.

 

“Look at all these,” said an animated Pauley, noticing at least a dozen used tea bags at the back of the dumpster near a discarded mop head. “See, tea bags are good for more than one use. Not everybody knows that.”

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